Things one is not allowed to do in Exalted

Editor's Note: Minor grammar adjustments have been made and some additions have been added as 'sub-rules' to others because of their similarity or dropped entirely for the same reason. The rules have been divided into categories because there are enough now that they tax the loading speed of the WikiEditing page and it was getting hard to find specific ones. Some rules have been altered to align with the categories, or omitted because they were too campaign specific.

Abyssals/Deathlords

1. At least one member of the NPC circle of Abyssals should not be a thinly veiled reference to a song title.
   1. No, that does not mean that they can be blatant references.
2. Remotely sympathetic Abyssals should probably not be collected like Pokemon.
3. I will not name Deathlords after lines from Smashing Pumpkins songs.
4. The 13th Deathlord is not Sinistar.
5. As a GM, I'm not allowed to have the Deathlord be behind *absolutely everything*.
6. I am not allowed to set a combat with the Deathlord Princess Magnificent and her Umbrella of Discord to classical musical performances such as "Singing in the Rain" or "Supercalafragilisticexpaladotious" from Mary Poppins.
7. My Abyssal may not have a specialty in Performance (metal).
   1. Unless my Abyssal's title is "Murderface", in which case, rock out to Planet Piss!
8. Not allowed to convince Eye and Seven Despairs that he has nothing left to unlive for and that he should end his own unlife.
9. No Moonshadows or Midnights called Bush anymore.
10. Princess Magnificent is a dangerous foe, not a cute chibi Deathlord.
11. I am not allowed to name my Dusk Caste "Bloodbath and Beyond".
12. Although it would sound cool, I will not name Deathlord/Deathknight Betrayer of Hope.
13. When my Abyssal uses Commanding Presence of Fire to make a "dozens of feet tall" flaming version of himself, he will no longer proceed to sing Richard Cheese's version of Down with the Sickness.
14. Not all Abyssals are creepy little girls.
    1. Except when the focus of the game is on the Dowager, of course.
    2. And even then she also Exalts creepy little boys too.
15. Never to develop a positive Intimacy towards a mortal NPC that out-of-character I can't stand, in the hope that my Resonance will blight him out of existence.
    1. Especially not to use this as an assassination technique against the Despot of Gem, the Perfect of Paragon or anyone else.
16. Saying "Behold my true form, and despair!" before casting Birth of Sanity's Sorrow is allowed, but will gain me plenty of Resonance because the Neverborn hate cliche.
    1. And there is no custom version that calls up a chorus of nephwracks to sing something ominous in Old Realm.

Mask of Winters

1. The Mask of Winters did see you coming... he just didn't stop you because he was curious how it'd all play out.
2. I am not allowed to run back into combat and attempt a disarm on Mask of Winters' mask.
   1. What is under the Mask of Winters' mask is best left undisturbed.
   2. You can never unsee the unseeable.
   3. You can gain Whispers from looking under the Mask's mask.
   4. Even if you pull it off, there's just another mask underneath.

FaFL

1. Use Rune of Singular Hate on First and Forsaken Lion in the middle of a fight after the ST has arduously statted him out, then complain about how long it's taking to figure out what charms he can still use.
2. Even though he's repeatedly proven to be the unluckiest Deathlord ever, it is foolish to pin hopes for defeating the First and Forsaken Lion upon some narrow alternative usage of the spell "Bone Lion."
3. I may not consistently misspell the Deathlord as "The First And Forsaken Loin".
   1. ...Nor refer to him as such to taunt his Death Knights.
      1. Although that would allow you to lead your army by saying "Alright boys, let's serve up some tender Loin."
         1. ...Not "Falafel" either.

Alchemicals

1. Alchemicals do not have a preset kill limit.
2. My characters are to refrain from referring to any patropolis or metropolis as "Friend Computer."
   1. Likewise, there is no such thing as "Soviet Autochthonia", and I am to refrain from suggesting there is.
3. In fact, upon further reflection, the Piston-Driven Megaton Hammer is my fist.
4. I'm no longer allowed to have my apostate Alchemical build Daleks.
   1. Cybermen either.
   2. Or Borg.
   3. Converting Autochthonia into the Death Star and moving it out of Elsewhere in order to hold Creation hostage to my mad Void-tainted whims is likewise a no-no.
      1. I am no longer allowed to play apostate Alchemicals.
5. While it's entirely possible that I might have recently invented a portal device that now needs rigorous testing, I am not allowed to take this as an excuse to kidnap characters I don't like and dump them into a magitechnological labyrinth controlled by an insane passive-aggressive A.I. with a cake fixation.
   1. Unless, of course, this takes place in an Autochthonian blight zone and I am an apostate Alchemical. However, I am no longer allowed to play apostate Alchemicals, so this is a moot point.
6. I am not allowed to take the Alchemical naming convention of half descriptive/half military designation to make a Champion named Colonel Klink.
7. My Alchemical is NOT allowed, even under appropriate circumstances, to say "I'll be back".
   1. Or "come with me if you want to live".
8. I am not authorized to create my own propaganda iconography, especially in cases where said iconography explicitly details any parts of my anatomy that are best left concealed.
9. Nor will I alter any other Champion's iconography to slander them.
10. I will not attempt to "find the metropolis' vagina".
    1. Similarly, I understand that the location of the Metropolis' "G-Spot" is a State Secret.
11. My gyroscopic chakram is not a dinner plate, nor is it to be used as a mode of transportation.
12. I will not relieve myself in Excessively Righteous Blossom's vat broth.
13. I am not authorized to enforce the rules of any drinking games.
14. I am only allowed to name my artifact weapons, not parts of my anatomy. As it is such, I will not include Hammer of the State's Champion or Piston of Profane Pleasure in any official report.
15. I will not ask Avid Lissome Engineer if she wishes to "feel the touch of the Great Maker deep inside of her".
16. I will not proclaim Thousand Faceted Nelumbo's state of dress to be "the official standard of all non-fugly women".
    1. Relatedly, upon meeting her I am not to say "I would like to get into your pa - oh..."
17. My martial arts discipline is Thousand Wounds Gear Style. Not "Chainsaw Karate".
18. I will not declare complex devices beyond my comprehension to be "afflicted with the Gremlinitis", and I will not attempt to "repair" them with any bludgeoning instrument.
19. In that respect, members of the Populat cannot be afflicted with "Gremlinitis"- and will not be "repaired" in the same manner mentioned before.
20. I will not act as ambassador to Creation, and will immediately cease all proclamations that declare me to be "The King of Autochthonia and Pimp Daddy Supreme".
21. I will not say that any nation's exact geographical location is "Autochthon's asshole".
22. I am not authorized to follow my Soulsteel colleagues around, singing "Doo-doom, doom, doo-doom" every time they enter a room, round a corner, or generally do anything.
    1. Likewise, asking them at random if they "know now why we cry" is strictly prohibited.
23. Upon meeting Dreadful Adjudicator of Law, I am not authorized to ask him why the hell he took his stupid helmet off five minutes into what could have been an awesome movie, or how the fuck he thought Armande Assante could pass for his twin brother when clearly he should have just played both roles. And furthermore, he has no idea why they put Rob Schneider in the movie, and yes, thank you, he quite liked the ABC robot, too. Yes, Dreadful Adjudicator is in on his own joke name. Spending more than ten minutes saying "get it? See what they did there?" will result in immediate disciplinary action.
24. While the Maker can jam to "Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto" just as well as anyone, singing anything but the chorus is strictly prohibited. A song that proclaims "The Problem's plain to see/ Too Much Technology" is nothing less than heresy against the Maker.
25. There is no Seventh Hidden Caste made from a Magical Material called Fullmetal. Stop looking.
26. Standing stock-still in a public square whispering "oil-can" is not an acceptable use of a Champion's free time.
27. I am not superior to the other Alchemicals because I am "a mac" nor does the Tripartite approve of my attempts to lock my charms out of the noetic archives as "unapproved apps".
28. It's Lissome Avid Engineer, not Avid Lissome Engineer. We do not want any unfounded rumors circulating around the Populat again.
29. I am not allowed to design, and install somewhere quite unmentionable, an Array containing Piston-Driven Megaton Hammer and Thousandfold Courtesan Calculations. I am not allowed to call this Array the 'Mr. Stud Sexual Implant'.
30. The Women's Locker room is not a storage bay for my Mobile Sensory Drone.
31. I will not appear in the middle of a tunnel dweller encampment, stating 'We are the Chosen of Autochthon. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.'
    1. Even though it is.
    2. This rule applies doubly if I am Soulsteel.
32. I will not use Tunnel People as bludgeoning weapons to defeat Gremlins.
    1. Nor will I use them as personal armor.
33. I will stop emulating the sounds of bowel movements when I use the food paste dispenser.
34. I am not the "Fashion Police" and will dispose of any badge stating so.
    1. Nor am I a State-Sanctioned "MILF Hunter".
35. Thousandfold Courtesan Calculations does not stack, and everyone knows it. Therefore, I will stop telling people that I have Ten-Thousandfold Courtesan Calculations.
36. After defeating my fellow Champions in combat, it is considered bad form to duct-tape their Martial Charms over my own and run off yelling, "YOU'RE NEXT, CUT-MAN!"
37. Any Orichalcum Caste used as a weapon by the surface world's "Solar" Exalted is to report immediately for post-traumatic counseling.
    1. Especially if attunement "just felt right".
38. Just because I have charms to reintegrate my extremities after crippling attacks doesn't mean my foes are obligated to wait around while I reconstruct, even if I say "FORM ARMS! AND BODY!" and other such nonsense.
39. Dreams about electric sheep are not abnormal and do not need to be reported to the Populat.
40. No Charm exists to blast "I AM IRONMAN" whenever I walk into a room. Developing such a Charm is strictly forbidden.
41. Leaping on a Moonsilver Colossus and shouting "Hi ho, Silver!" sends a bad message to the Populat, and is greatly frowned upon.
42. It is an unacceptable misallocation of state resources to create an Alchemical whose purpose is to punch giant gremlins in the crotch.
    1. Even if you have the appropriate Martial Arts Specialties.
    2. Even if you have the appropriate meta-Excellency to turn the Specialty bonus into automatic successes.
    3. Even if the Alchemical's name is Titan Maximum.
43. In that vein, it is bad for unit morale to shove past your fellow Alchemicals and say "Make way for the Awesome Train! Chuggachuggachuggachugga-AWESOME!"
44. "Hasta la vista, baby" is not the proper response to destroying gremlins.
45. Upgrading the Proletariat to Autochthonian 2.0 is grounds for immediate smelting.
46. Should I encounter a group of gremlins and one is called Screams of Stars, he shall be the last one destroyed. Such a gremlin is sure to create sufficient dissent in my enemies to ensure their termination to be as efficient as possible.
47. Gremlins have nothing to do with Mogwai, and bright light has no effect on them.
48. I will not make flatulation noises when I use my smokescreen charm.
    1. Even if I did install it in my buttocks.
    2. In that respect, I am not authorized to install any charms in my buttocks.
49. I will not paint any cylinder-shaped charms like beer cans.
50. If utilizing a means of transportation to pursue fleeing criminals, it is not appropriate that I use the loudspeaker to proclaim "this is Roscoe P. Coltrane".
    1. Nor will I refer to members of the Tripartate as "Boss Hogg".
51. I must appropriately confiscate and store narcotic contraband after an arrest. "I disintegrated it with a laser or something" is not proper protocol.
    1. I will also remember that I am always in the public eye, and being "fried" while patrolling the populat is not acceptable.
    2. Even if I can "Totally see them break-dancing in their soulgems".
    3. And yes, they can still see me. Being high does not put me "in the spirit world".
52. There is no Starmetal Patropolis who runs the rails between the nations called The Starlight Express. Beseeching his aid in times of low self-esteem is futile.
    1. No, you have not been said Alchemical yourself the whole time.
53. Having Soulsteel hand charms does not mean you have "evil" hands that can get away with anything they want.
    1. This is likewise not an excuse to perform a "field refit" by lopping off your "evil" hand and replacing it with a chain daiklave.
54. Triggering off one's Alloyed Reinforcement Of Flesh is not in itself a sufficient grounds for out-of-order vacation.
55. I am not to blast off guardian golems and/or custodians near important gathering places just because I had a bad day fighting similarly-looking models.
56. If I must remove a part of my fancy-looking headgear to have unobstructed field of vision, I will not employ said headgear at all.
57. As a part of my combat training, I am to meditate on Murphy's Laws Of Combat paragraph from the Tome of the Great Maker.
58. If research into underlying patterns in all Autochthonian works begins to point towards a secret language of clues and codes, I will not allow such to be termed "The Peter Cullen Code."
59. While he indeed looks out for the benefit of his mortal residents, the Great Maker shall not be referred to as "Friend Computer."
60. The technology that my Collosi, Metropolis, and Patropolis brethren use to join me in human-scale adventures is not a "Micronization Chamber".
61. Alchemicals are not remotely-controlled surrogates secretly piloted by a person elsewhere. Therefore, telling an attractive female Champion "For all I know, you could just be some fat guy sitting in a stim-chair with his dick hanging out," is not only insulting, but inaccurate.
62. I am no longer allowed to call my Familiar a Companion Cube.
63. My Morality Core Attachment must be linked to my Nerve Toxin Emitters so if I lose the one I can't use the other.
64. I will not attempt to excuse my infection with Gremlin Syndrome by arguing that "in base 4, I'm fine!"
65. Deleting my 7 multiplication table is never a good excuse for anything.
66. No matter what they say. "All is not Halcom" (Appleseed Duex Machina)
67. Using your over-sized firearms inside the city requires caution. Specially if it requires "spells" to use.
68. Thermo-optic-camouflage is one way to hide your "nudity".
69. If they tell you you were built to destroy someone named "Son Goku", go rogue instead, if you wish to live.
70. He does not care if you own a Rib Restaurant or ... "HULK NO WANT RIBS".
71. I do not require liquor to power my fuel cells.
72. Bending is not the solution to all problems.
73. I will not invite others to bite any portion of my anatomy without prior written consent.
74. Regardless of what memories of previous incarnations may tell me; we are at war with Estasia.
    1. We have always been at war with Estasia.
75. The Needs of the Many outweigh the needs of the One.
76. The Needs of the One outweigh the needs of the Many.
77. Autochthonia is Different from Creation in many ways. This does not mean that all things are done in the opposite fashion.
78. My designation tells those who meet me much of my purpose. I do not have a given name and surname, therefore I am not allowed to call myself "(Insert name here) Steele".
79. It is not "Twilight: The Masquerade". Vampire players really hate this.
80. I am not allowed to spend all my time researching "The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything"
    1. This answer in never 42.
       1. Except when it is.
          1. And not even then.
81. There is no Alchemical Exalt called The A.W.E.S.O.M.-0 4000. Do not tell him "all your secrets." He is just a little fat kid trying to embarrass you.
    1. If you have videotape of this aforementioned fat kid dressed up like Britney Spears and dancing with a Justin Timberlake cut-out, immediately post said video on local Metropolitan Essence Image Projection Screens.
    2. While disguised as said Exalt, the little fat kid is quite good at thinking up plots for Adam Sandler films.
    3. He is not, however, a "pleasure model".
    4. Though his "Fart Protocol" is destructive, it is fully organic and cannot be replicated through charms.
82. As dangerous as an Alchemical under the effects of Gremlin Syndrome is, I must also be wary of an Alchemical under the effect of Isaac Asimov Syndrome. The symptoms of Isaac Asimov Syndrome are as follow.
    1. The Alchemical may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
    2. The Alchemical must obey any orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the first symptom.
    3. The Alchemical must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the first or second symptoms.
83. The appropriate greeting is not "Hello Moto".
84. I will not refuse to go into the tunnels because "I don't get 3G in there".
85. I am not authorized to declare war on Creation in the name of another nation.
86. The Patropolis does not need a mustache, and I will wash the paint away.
87. Beamklave fighting does not require me to make any Star Wars references, at all, ever. Seriously, it's not even funny.
    1. If I find myself looking a lot like Dreadful Adjudicator of Law, I will give up my soulsteel beamklave and request for another weapon, to avoid even the temptation of violating this rule.
    2. . The National Tripartite Assembly of Yugash doesn't recognize this James Earl Jones I speak of, so I am to immediately stop ridiculing Excessively Righteous Blossom for "his voice not fitting the bishonen imagery".
    3. . There are already enough legitimate reasons to ridicule Excessively Righteous Blossom, so I am to stop coming up with new ones.
       1. And what the hell is "bishonen" in the first place? I am to stop making up words.
    4. Under no circumstances, EVER, is the will of the Great Maker supposed to be called "Force".
    5. I have never been and will never be someone's "Father", nor do I possess any "Father" other than the Great Maker, therefore I have no grounds to declare paternal relation towards my opponent during a beamklaive duel, even if it would afford me an advantage over them after I have already severed one of their hands.
88. I am to immediately remove all those posters showing an enraged Soulsteel Caste with the subtitle "DO NOT WANT!"
89. When using jet-boots to travel, I do not have clearance to assume a bow-legged position and pretend I'm riding an "Invisible Bike".
90. If I create an array to draw victims into my Chainsaw-Axe, "GED TOO ZEE CHOPPAH" is not an appropriate title.
    1. "GO NAU!" is likewise not appropriate for a submodule that hastens this procedure.
91. I shall not insist my Jade Caste Assembly mate have all of his Charms constructed of red jade so that he moves faster.
92. I do not need to install multiple Paramagnetic Tether Beams in different colors of jade in order to affect different-colored targets.
    1. Unless I'm targeting a yellow-jade Apostate named Sinestro. In that case, a green Paramagnetic Tether Beam just won't work.
    2. Nor do I need to presage the use of my Tether Beam by yelling "GET OVER HERE!"
93. I will refrain from ever uttering the phrase, "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't let you do that," even if I reach patropoli level.
    1. A specific exclusion exists for if I actually must inform a being named Dave that I am not permitted to allow it to perform some action.
       1. In fact, not even then, unless I phrase it otherwise, or else designate-Dave might publicly soil himself.
94. "Something something something Gremlin Syndrome" is not the formula for great Alchemical dialogue, but possibly a malfunction of my Motivational Vocoder, and I should enlist for recalibration immediately.
95. I will test my Optical Shroud functionality when immersed in water before going on mission. If it sparks, shorts or overloads, I will return to Vats and have engineers reinstall it properly.
96. On reconnaissance/infiltration/assassination operations I will not disengage most of my Charm arsenal to have a "fair fight" with every impressively brave individual I encounter. Even if he ends up not being an Exalt of some kind, or simply a true bad ass, there's still a good chance he is a future regional governor, and therefore worth negotiating with or leaving well alone.
    1. By the same virtue, I will not remove my helmet/mask along with vision- and aim-enhancing systems to show my "true face". I do not expect it to have any effect on anyone who was not intimidated by my other features and the mask itself, to begin with.
97. If I expect to need an Essence cannon on a mission, I will be sure to prepare it beforehand and at any rate will not have it stored within designated target area.
98. In the extremely unfortunate occurrence of being forcibly infected with Integrated Genesis System already primed with a violent Gremlin embryo, I will seek immediate help.
    1. If help isn't available on time to prevent gestation, I will isolate myself and attempt self-abortion, violently if necessary. At any rate, I am not to ignore or hide the situation and introduce a Gremlin, especially "half-caste upgraded", to secure areas within myself.
99. On missions to Creation, I will keep in mind that Gyroscopic Chakram is an unknown weapon out there and is likely to attract special attention upon use. I will rely on more conventional projectiles for dealing with threats from a distance, especially in low-profile, heavy Optical Shroud employing operations.
100. On said missions, I will not have my equipment "borrowed" and my ass annihilated along with immediate area of multi-mile radius. Between the many defensive configurations available, I'm really better then that.
101. After invading creation, I'm not allowed to use captured minikin as rat wranglers when automatons can do the job better.
102. I may not offer to train any Lesser Elemental Dragon to Greater Elemental Dragon status so that when I become a city I may live on its back.
     1. By accordance of the 8 divine ministers, I have been informed that there are no Greater Elemental Dragons and to speak of them or encourage any elementals to believe in them is considered heresy.
103. I will refrain from enforcing white as the dominant clothing and interior painting color. I am to be aware that the psychological well-being of humans requires extensive sensory input, including different color stimuli.
104. I shall refrain from loudly announcing "ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL" when utilizing the Personality Override Spike Charm.
105. It is not appropriate for me to call every adversary I have 'Mr. Anderson'.
     1. ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US
     2. The Tripartite does not recognize the authority of one named 'George Takai'.
     3. The president of the Tripartite Assembly is not a robot constructed by our nation's enemies to instigate war.
106. In this time of economic crisis, there IS such a thing as "too much Dakka." Be conversative with firepower, Champions -- especially as it tends to leave more left to salvage.
107. In creation, remember: Humans are organic. So are some vegetables. However, heaping mounds of manure on someone does not make them grow faster. This only works with said vegetables.
     1. Wait, really? You have better food and 80% of it grows because of fecal matter heaped onto it? Food paste, please.
108. Observing farmers milking cows does not mean I should try it.
     1. That was a bull.
     2. And the farmer's wife did not appreciate it when I tried it on her.
     3. It worked on myself, and somehow this infuriates the locals when I demonstrate.
109. Personalty Override Spike is not the answer to every social situation.
     1. (Even though it is.)
     2. Using Personalty Override Spike on a human lover to inject them with pleasurable falsified memories of time spent together does not, in fact, count as human contact for the purposes of avoiding Clarity.
110. No matter how well placed or ballistically challenged my essence cannon fire may be I am no longer allowed to announce its success with the phrase BOOM...HEADSHOT!!
     1. even when it is one.
111. Trying to become human is not an acceptable motivation. Such things are the dreams of automatons not for Champions.
112. I am not a Tech-Priest.
     1. The Great Maker is not Omnissiah.
        1. Autochthon is a Primordial. Calling him the "Machine God" is demeaning.
     2. The flesh is not weak.
     3. Ebon Dragon is not Void Dragon.
     4. Neither Ebon Dragon nor the Void-Dragon are secretly running the show.
     5. Innovation is not anathema to our way of life... usually.
     6. Communing with the "machine spirit" of weaponry or equipment is acceptable. Beating up said spirits to bully them into making the machine work right is forbidden and probably counterproductive.
113. Announcing that there is danger nearby is a function that can still be performed when you do not have a work group member named Will Robinson.
     1. Immediately executing any medical personnel named Smith you meet on the grounds of inherent untrustworthiness will be taken as a sign of gremlin syndrome.
114. The correct operation sequence for the facial mounted essence cannon is not to open your mouth really wide and yell 'IMMA CHARGIN MA LAZOR!!'.
     1. Even when that is in fact what you are doing.
        1. This also means that I may not announce my supreme authority over the "fictional" land Malaysia.
115. Once you become a patropolis/metropolis you may not maintain an essence cannon battery primed to destroy lower essence Champions for the sole purpose of 'keeping those damn kids off my lawn'
116. A quick and easy self-diagnostic check is to calculate what "2 plus 2" equals. If it equals "4", you are fine.
     1. In Base 4, "10" is also fine.
     2. In either case, it is a triumph. You should make a note: huge success.
117. I will cease all rumors involving Excessively Righteous Blossom. There is no proof that he uses his shapeshifting charms to "dress in drag" and masquerade as the former incarnation's mother, a prostitute, or some chick who was "totally trying to jump on my 'pneumatic pony' the other day".
118. I will stop requesting familiars that resemble monkeys, robotic hotties, or members of the Tripartite.
119. I will not activate my Personal Gravity Manipulation Apparatus to walk up walls and attempt to convince children that they 'can totally do it if you just believe'.
     1. Also, they are not heretics if they fail to do so.
     2. When using this Charm in Creation, I cannot do whatever a pattern spider can.
120. My Exoskeletal Armor Plating is not to be decorated with hot rod flames, sponsor decals, or comical stickers.
     1. Especially the sticker that says "My other ride is your mom".
        1. The sticker "WWAD?" is explicitly allowed.
121. Decorating my gyroscopic chakram with patriotic symbols does not allow me to proclaim myself "Captain Gulak".
122. If I ever possess a chainklave and any form of alchemical fire weapon, I am not to dismiss ethical considerations with "Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun."
     1. And under no circumstances may I call it my "burnstick".
123. I am not to punch out Excessively Righteous Blossom "because Ten Stripes was hot". That little incident was in LAST edition, and there are enough reasons to hate the guy as it is.
124. Regardless of its accuracy, I may never say "Freedom is the Right of All Sentient Beings in the Galaxy", doing so is considered blasphemy against Autochthon.
     1. "One Shall Rise and One Shall Fall" is likewise outlawed.
        1. Even if the above are my last words prior to total destruction.
125. There may be Charm that allow me to create a miniaturized version of my Colossus form, but under no circumstances am I allowed to break it down into five lions.
     1. Or five prehistoric creatures.
     2. Or five construction vehicles.
     3. In fact, I am not allowed to break my Colossus form down into five of anything.
126. Chemical Fog Generator does not come in baked bean flavor.

Dread Adjudicator of Law

1. Just because I am following a series of numbered regulations and use a flame piece that unfolds out of my upper thigh in my duty as a Champion dose not mean I have the right to refer to myself as “Robocop”.
   1. even if I do work with the Regulators.
   2. or even if I work in an Autocthonian city named Detroit.
2. My name is not Murphy.
   1. No installation of aim-, reaction- or accuracy-enhancing charms changes that.
   2. Not even my imitation of the well-known hero Thunderous Joy Laser's hand crossbow trick.
3. When the Soulsteel arrests you saying "Dead or Alive, you're coming with me", Believe Him.
4. It is not allowed to kill a worker within 1 minute of an official dismissal from his place issued by the shift chief.
   1. It is also not allowed to loudly thank the shift chief for issuing said dismissal.
5. You have 15 seconds you put down the Daiklave, .....15.....14.....13.....12.....11.....10.....09.....08.....07.....06.....05.....04.....03.....02.....01.....I am now authorized to use Lethal Force (followed by sound of Essence cannons firing in rapid succession)
   1. When delivering one of these countdowns, it is expected that I will not "forget" everything between 13 and 6.

Populat Interaction Protocols

1. I am not authorized to lead the Populat in a dance routine.
2. I will not openly tell a member of the Tripartite to "suck my ball-bearings".
3. I will not use disguise charms to blend in with the Populat and incite riots, just so I can increase my arrest record.
4. I will not refer to the Lumpen as "my little peons".
5. If I discover a prostitution ring, I am not required to utilize the service to "make sure it isn't something less serious".
6. Shake hands. Kiss babies. Do not confuse the two again.
7. The Olgotary has given due consideration to your proposal, and we find your request for your warstrider's name insufficiently inspirational of patriotism. We deny you the authority to name it "Stompbot 3000."
8. I am to wholeheartedly attempt to convey my points to law-abiding members of Lumpen and Populat with ordinary means before issuing them personality override spike sessions.
   1. Even when warranted, I am not to enjoy such sessions.
   2. I am not to imprison major subroutine spirits within my mind-ripping probe as a "leverage" before negotiating with Divine Ministers.
9. It's not abuse if the Populat like it.
   1. However using a personality override spike to inform the Populat that they like it is abuse.
10. I will not send Lumpen of slow wit to find "Brown Jade" deposits in the waste conduits.
11. I will not use ugly children as canine units.
12. I will stop requesting "women of negotiable virtue" to be my assistants.
13. The National Tripartite Assembly doesn't recognize this Peter Cullen you keep mentioning, so stop insisting that your Motivational Vocoder "makes you sound just like him".
    1. Claiming that "freedom is the right of all sentient beings" is a certain sign of heresy, even if you're made of three colors of Jade.
14. No matter how much they insist, Fix Beetles do not make good doctors, and they are not to be allowed near the populat.
15. Positive morale is important to maintain an efficient Populat, happiness is not, however, mandatory.
    1. As happiness is not mandatory, a Champion, upon finding a member of the Populat in low spirits, is recommended to attempt to improve morale however possible. Summary execution, however, is not an appropriate method.
    2. Even if I am a jade patropolis, I am to refrain from colour-coding my corridors.
16. Upon returning from a mission to cleanse Autochthonia of an Apostate, 'kegger' is not an acceptable means of celebration.
    1. Neither is 'toga party'.
    2. "LAN party" is only acceptable if it does not actually translate into "orgy."
    3. Because in practice, it almost always translates into "orgy," "LAN party" is no longer acceptable.
17. Upon becoming a Metropolis I will not run random members of the Populat through a series of potentially lethal tests within me with a promise of cake and grief counseling upon completion.
    1. Neither my battle cry nor my motto may not be "We do what we must, because we can."
18. I shall refrain from interrogating the Populat to find the answer to "Who is John Galt?"
    1. Or to find out out "Where Waldo is".
    2. Autochthonian citizens do not even know what a swallow is, let alone its air-speed velocity.
19. I am not allowed to recite the rules and regulations regarding behavior at any formal function as a part of any public speech.
    1. . This goes double during motivational speaking.
20. I will not attempt to control the Populat with blatant lies centered around them winning some sort of a lottery and going to paradise.
    1. Especially when they are capable of disproving it with evidence directly nearby to their living and/or working area.
    2. Working the mines of creation still causes the statement to be considered a lie.
    3. Just because the crystal fields around gem are warm and sunny, working in them does not constitute "paradise" even though it's not a mine.
21. I've been informed that randomly locking citizens in their rooms and having holographic gremlins attack them is not considered a "proper" study of human psychosis, and will have me being reported for being either a gremlin or a member of the void.
22. Just because I think in binary does not mean I'm allowed to forbid the people from using the number 2, on the grounds that it's not real.
    1. It is also not a grounds for summary execution when uttered within earshot.
23. I will cut Populat under my control some slack and allow a certain degree of leeway, even if I am a Soulsteel Patropolis. Detailed analysis of human behavior patterns show that excessively strict regulations tend to provoke rebellious instincts in what could otherwise be a loyal citizen.
24. And generally speaking, as a Patropolis or Metropolis, I am not allowed to institute a total or partial lock-down of my population with the purpose of breeding them for human spare parts. I am warned that attempts at such behavior will be viewed as signs of late stages of Gremlin syndrome by my brethren and will be dealt with accordingly.
25. I shall not refer to the population as fleshy bags of mostly water.
    1. Even if this is true.
    2. Yes, even if it makes them foreign entities in a world of complete darkness, prone to starvation and injury.
    3. 'Meatbags' is also discouraged.
26. I may not attempt to convince the Populat that they are not human but robots who possess skin-tainium armor and no connection to the machine god.
27. I'm not allowed to breed lightning elementals into the shape of a ball of fluff with 4 legs, a head and small horns on its head, that make distinctive "baah" sounds and enjoy jumping over small walls.
    1. ESPECIALLY if I number the sheep.
    2. Counting the sheep as they jump over the wall is NOT the way to put me to sleep, but instead is just wasting time and resources.
28. While Autochthon does indeed need you, it doesn't mean you have to remind everyone about it all the time.
    1. Pointing at people while informing them of this fact is also forbidden.
29. I am not allowed to tell the Populat that I am "fully functional," especially if said statement comes with a sly wink.
    1. Especially when I am on the clock.

More than Meets the Eye

1. My Jade Caste Alchemical can't utter "one shall stand, one shall fall!" before charging into battle.
2. When my Starmetal Alchemical is infiltrating a city in Creation, I am not allowed to refer to the mini-adventure as "robots in disguise", even if it's true.
3. When my Alchemical makes an automaton henchman, I am not allowed to use Autobot names for them. This also goes for Decepticons.
4. Alchemicals do NOT transform, OR roll out. I cannot keep telling them to do so.
   1. "Alchemicals, transform and roll out!" is also in no way a battle-cry sanctioned by the Tripartite and after extensive field testing is demonstrated NOT to strike fear into the enemies of the Maker.
5. I will not emulate 'transforming sounds' while my comrades activate charms for dramatic effect.
6. When I reach Colossus levels of Essence, there are no Charms that permit me to disguise myself as a vehicle.
7. The Maker's name is Autochthon, not Primus.
8. Voidbringer cults have no connection to Unicron, and I am to stop insisting that they do.

Starmetal Wars

1. My rivalry with another city for resources will not be known as the 'Starmetal Wars'.
   1. If such a rivalry happens there will be no joining the 'Soulsteel Side' even if there was one.
2. I am not allowed to force my Starmetal companion to reshape his body into an elongated cylinder, forced him to respond to the outside world through beeps, whistles, and a holographic projector. If I attempt such behavior it is understood that said companion will react with violence.
   1. Also, just because I'm plated in Orichalcum and stacked on Intelligence Charms, with special consideration of the one that lets me comprehend any language, it doesn't mean I must act as a stuck-up coward with a thick British accent.
3. Must stop getting into Beam-Klaive duals and cutting off people's hands then telling them "I Am Your Father!!"
4. It is counterproductive to distract people with dismissal gestures and vaguely-phrased orders in conversation, regardless of one's skill with the beamklaive.
   1. Your Assembly mates are definitely not the droids anyone is looking for. You are not to inquire regularly if they are.
5. I am not required to begin every sentence with the word "Statement".

Infernals/Yozis

1. Not allowed to steal She Who Lives In Her Name's name just to call her a homeless bum.
2. Despite what she looks like, it is inappropriate to refer to She Who Lives In Her Name as the "Great Balls of Fire".
3. The purpose of Beauty Is In The Eye is not making the villain shout 'Behold my true form, and despair!', and if you make a villain Ess 8 just for that one more time...
4. Although technically my Green Sun Prince can punch someone so hard they fly several miles, and then explode in a nuclear blast, leaving behind a shadow which causes radiation sickness and gives anyone who sleeps near it nightmares, I do not need to use it on every foe we come across.
   1. Or random wild animals. Even Wyld animals.
5. I may not shout "With my next attack I am going to destroy the entirety of Creation" unless I actually mean it this time.
   1. Unless I then activate Creation-Slaying Oblivion Kick.
6. Regardless of how deeply you love it and how many motes it has, Lover's Oath will not allow you to wed The Five-Metal Shrike.
7. Using Chains of Adorjan on your girlfriend is not S&M, nor does it make it a threesome.
8. Use Evocation From the Mirror on my entire circle simply because they don't like my new akuma outlook on life.
9. The oaths binding the Yozis are loophole-free, or at least close enough that hiring a team of lawyers isn't going to help them escape. That was one of the first things they tried.
10. I am not allowed to explain to a circle of Solars that yes I work for the Yozi and yes that is a good thing....
11. Captain Glorious Awesome Hero is not an appropriate Infernal Defiler of Malfeas name.
12. I am not allowed to enforce eminent domain in Malfeas. Malfeas does that well enough on his own.
    1. The same goes for gentrification.
    2. And urban beautification.

Lunar

1. Raksi is not "kawaii".
2. Ma-Ha-Suchi is not exactly a paragon of sanity.
3. Fuggly Killmore is not an acceptable name for a warrior based Lunar with 1 dot in Appearance.
4. It doesn't matter how terrifying I think the Deadly Beastman form would be; it is not possible to take as a spirit shape a lawn gnome.
5. I will not create a Lunar with a Gecko Spirit Shape that sells vehicle insurance.
   1. Nor have a Chihuahua Spirit Shape and own a Creation wide fast food chain.
   2. Or a duck that sells life insurance.
6. Not allowed to take "human" as my spirit-shape just so that my Deadly Beastman Transformation will look like the vampires from Buffy.
7. Dragon-blooded should not be collected by my Lunar trickster because "aww, that one's cute".
   1. If they are collected, I can not feed them by tossing a random mortal in a pit with them and yelling "IT'S AN ANATHEMA GET HIM".
   2. ...unless I sell tickets.
   3. ...And share the profit with my Circle.
8. My duck totem Lunar doesn't have to say "I am the terror that flaps in the night" everytime he does a join battle roll.
   1. Nor "let's get dangerous".
9. Not allowed to convince Raksi she's fat and needs to go on a starvation diet.
10. Not allowed to convince Ma-Ha-Suchi that his sexual compulsion is ultimately hurting him, but that following the Immaculate Faith can help him.
11. I am not allowed to play an octopus-totem Lunar in a game set in any kind of academy.
    1. Similarly, using Writhing Blood Chain Technique does not fulfill a motivation of "Killing Dragon-Bloods from pleasure."
12. My Lunar will NOT take a turtle, mate with it and teach the four children TMA as soon as they reach their teens. Asking any further will likely get me eaten by a grue.
13. Pretending to be Raksi in order to convince the Silver Pact the ultimate social reconstruction project would be for them to take control of a Realm House and use the civil war they start to create the perfect mortal society is wrong....
14. I am not related to anyone named "Fenris".
    1. Nor do I possess a Harmony meter.
15. My "Chosen of Lunar" is allowed to have a bunny as totem. She can not, however, run around in a Japanese schoolgirl uniform. Mainly, because Japan doesn't exist in Creation.
    1. And calling her "Sailor Moon" is right out.
16. It does not matter if my totem is a Honey Badger; I am not allowed to take an Integrity Specialty in "Don't Give a S**t."
17. My contribution to the Thousand Streams River is not "Margaritaville."
    1. Nor is it "Babe Land."
18. There are many things to say when I meet my Solar mate again for the first time. "You've gained a lot of weight" is not recommended.
    1. Nor is, "So what about those five obols you owed me in your last incarnation?"
    2. "Hello, sweetie" is allowed, but I am taking my life into my own hands when I say it.

Solar

1. Just because Heavenly Guardian Defense can block Three-String Sword Prana, doesn't mean it can block someone's words.
2. I am not to use Shockwave Technique to literally throw the Mask of Winters and his army into the Seventh Legion, even though the mass combat rules allow it.
3. Unlike the Ride tree, Fieldmouse Rider only facilitates the literal meaning of the word. It will not allow you to mate with animals like a Lunar.
4. Regardless of our Twilight's anima banner and favored resistance, and regardless of the vagaries of the phrase "improvised weapon", I may not in fact grab any of my circle mates by the ankles and use them as a Solar Hero Style Form Weapon.
   1. That is what Infernal Hero Style is for!
5. I am not allowed to play "Solar Baseball" by throwing Total Annihilation at the Dawn Caste and having him use Heavenly Guardian Defense.
   1. Even if it does go further.
   2. Even if we get a Sidereal with Glance and Stride to act as outfielder
      1. ...or the Golden Lord to act as umpire.
6. Even if the Zenith has Stamina 5, Resistance 5, I shouldn't egg him into swimming in acid.
7. I will not create a Solar Circle version of Unconquerable Self and call it God of Kingdom Come.
8. My Twilight sorcerer may not use Crashing Wave Throw to grab the Dawn Caste, hurl him into a bad guy, and inflict Heaven Thunder Hammer damage on the bad guy.
   1. Nor may I do so while screaming "Fighter-doken!"
   2. And I absolutely may not under any circumstances Combo Crashing Wave Throw with Cascade of Cutting Terror to throw hundreds of Fighter-dokens at the bad guy, and even if I could, I would certainly not be allowed to call it my Shinkuu-Fighter-Doken.
9. My first act whenever playing a Twilight craftsman doesn't always need to be "invent indoor plumbing."
10. My Eclipse Caste can not use the ploy of "attemping to sell a lifetime supply of WD40" to the First and Forsaken Lion for his armor, as an excuse to use Eclipse Immunity to get into the Thousand.
11. There is probably a god of kinky sex somewhere, but none of her charms are usable by Eclipses, EVER.
12. As a player, using Solar DotFA and Thousandfold Facet mindrape charms on Lunar mates is allowed. As a storyteller, using Lunar Custom Charms to do the same thing to Solar players is right out.
13. My first-age Twilight is not allowed to keep his Lunar mate in a pokeball.
14. I am not allowed to Combo Hill-Hurling Method and Cascade of Cutting Terror to make Cascade of Cutting Yeddim.
15. I am not allowed to make a Solar Medicine charm that impregnates the target by touch.
    1. Especially if it's comboable with Martial Arts charms.
    2. I am especially not allowed to use it on male Immaculate Monks.
16. Will not use Rune Of Singular Hate on the Scarlet Empress, rip out her weakened Exaltation using Craft: Genesis, convince her to take an Eclipse Oath that makes her nice for the rest of her life, then give her a Solar Exaltation captured from a recently-killed member of our Circle
17. Allow my compassionate Zenith player to interrogate people starting with the sentence "Listen, guys... You're gonna die anyway..."
18. Eye of the Unconquered Sun is not for porn, and seeing 'the truth behind her lies' does not mean you have to see past her clothes.
19. When I have mastered the heights of Solar Circle Sorcery and have the mightiest of Third Circle Demons at my beck and call, my first command to them shall not be "Fetch me a sandwich".
    1. Nor shall I task-bind them to clean my third-favorite manse's seventh guest toilet for the to creatrest of eternity.
20. I'm not allowed to make a Solar character named Jesus with Kung-Fu as his primary form of attack.
21. I will not make a Solar exalt with Appearance 9 and Intelligence 1 and make her motivation "World Peace".
22. Conquering the Unconquered Sun is not an acceptable Motivation for your Dawn. Maybe a Slayer or a Dusk, but not your Dawn.
23. Not allowed to use Horizon-Hurling Tactic on Juggernaut to kill all of Creation.
    1. Not even hypothetically.
24. You are not allowed to use Bestial Traits Technique to create Ninja Yeddim.
    1. Not even if Yeddim do have Stealth 2.
    2. ...you can't create Ninja Orcas either.

Sidereal/Yu-shan

1. There is no inverse Sidereal rule.
2. Duck Fate does not work against alimony payments.
3. 'Sultan of Swing' also not a valid name for an office in Yu-Shan.
4. Using Trouble-Reduction Strategy to trick others into dragging cities around will not get THEM audited, no matter how much 'I hate that guy'.
5. Finding out what color panties the diplomat is wearing is not an appropriate use of Effecient Secretary Technique.
6. Craft: Fate is not a toy, nor is it a means of getting toys.
7. I am not allowed to use Auspicious Recruitment Drive to find a fourth and fifth player for poker night.
   1. ...Not Research Assistant Invocation either.
   2. ...And no using Avoiding the Truth Technique during the game, either.
8. Even using Privacy-Enhancing Gesture, you can still be arrested for public nudity.
9. Ceasing to Exist Approach does NOT allow you to become 'The Bull of the North's boss'. That is an invalid choice.
10. Pattern Spider Touch cannot, in fact, make that legal. No, it doesn't matter if she agrees to it.
11. I can not use Craft: Genesis to make highly infectious VDs, bottle them, and use them with Generalized Ammunition Technique to plug Immaculate Monks, no matter how much they might deserve it.
    1. Nor am I allowed to spend 1xp on making "Pregnancy" an effect of Many Missiles Bow Technique, and use it on men.
    2. Or Behemoths.
12. I can not use Predestined Delivery Shaping to bill people for my services.
13. I can not use Cash and Murder Games on Chejop Kejak when taking my Solar comrade to Yu-Shan.
    1. ...And get away with it afterwards.
14. The Pattern Spiders are not acceptable targets for descending destinies.
15. My Chosen of Serenity cannot claim that "Create an Intimacy between the Princes of the Fallen Tower and the Minions of the Eyeless Face" is an Epic Motivation, no matter how perfect they are for each other, or what a fantastic party their mass-wedding would be.
16. No matter how exquisite my timing with Thought Swiping Distraction is, I cannot interrupt an opponent's Shape Sorcery action at exactly the right moment to cause Creation's first-ever casting of "Death of Obsidian Butt."
17. Morgan Freeman is not a Sidereal.
18. "Messing up Solars" is not the complete job description of the entire Five-Score Fellowship.
19. I shall not muck with the nature of causality.
    1. Unless I'm a Sidereal, and only then for good reason.
20. Yellow Path does allow you to move at the speed of plot. You may well express it as a series of flashes through varied landscapes. You do not need to sing 'Gonna Need a Montage' every time.
21. Implicit Construction Methodology allows you to work on a crafting project while you're not there. This does not include any of the following: Laundry, Paperwork, Diplomacy, Sexy Women.
22. Fist of the North Star is not an SMA.
23. I am not allowed to have Anys Syn use a Resplendent Destiny as a porn star despite her name.
24. LOOM OF FATE IS NOT FOR PORN.
    1. But no one is allowed to tell that to the Maiden of Serenity.
25. As a player, it may be acceptable to have my Sidereal compulsively hide plot hooks from a circle of Solars to ensure they live boring lives and don't gain experience points. As a Storyteller, it's right out.
26. 'Musical purviews', while funny, is not a good game to convince the Incarnae to play, no matter how hilarious the idea of the Unconquered Moon is.
    1. Convincing lesser gods to play Musical Purviews is kosher, though.
27. Not allowed to use Willing Assumption of Chains to promote my pet to 'Overseer of People Who I Hate'.
28. Spirit-Binding Battle Pattern, not Spirit Binding Paddle Basin. And no, you cannot sacrifice your army just to summon Ahlat and make him say that 'three times fast'.
29. I am forbidden from visiting Yu-Shan.
    1. If I do visit Yu-Shan, I may scream "FATE NINJAS!!!!!!!" in a terrified voice no more than once every 10 minutes.
       1. I am forbidden from being mean-spirited about how fate ninjas killed me when I visited Yu-Shan.
30. Have Nara-O blow a favor owed on a "Yes, he is" snarky reply.
31. Most definitely not allowed, as player or storyteller, to have Sidereals implant the bullshit notion of "Sidereal Mates" in the fabric of Creation and/or Fate in order to trick Lunars and Solars into sevensomes purely for the fantastic fucking sex.
    1. Nor in order to get close to eliminate the bastards.
32. Yes, Mirror-Shattering Method can cause the ship to move mere inches over a period of five days worth of sailing. Yes, that's a hilarious practical joke. Stop doing it when the world is in peril.
33. Life Without Compunction should not be used to get away with public nudity! Why does it let you do that?!
34. I may not place an Ascending Destiny of "blessed with numerous progeny" on an Immaculate Monk.
    1. ...Not a Descending Destiny of "cursed with numerous progeny" either.
35. Generalized Ammunition Technique is not a valid reason to carry about a quiver full of porcupines.
    1. Or sex toys.
36. The Incarnae did not imprison the Yozi Yogg-Bonbon beneath the N/A Manse of 'Ulduar', nor are the Mountain Folk waiting there to lend me First Age vehicles to fight him with.
37. A group consisting of one Chosen of each of the Five Maidens is conceivable. Having them run around in Japanese schoolgirl uniforms and named in an "Sailor (Name of the maiden)", however, takes it to far.
    1. Especially if said team gets assembled one-by-one by a Chosen of Lunar called "Sailor Moon" who has a bunny totem.
    2. Nor am I allowed to give them spandex costumes in the colors of their respective Maidens and allow them access to the combining Warstriders.
38. It does not matter how many Lore Charms I have, how easily I can enter and exit Creation to intervene in reality-threatening crises, or how easily I can change my face - I am not allowed to call myself "the Doctor" or any variant on it.
39. Yes, someone has tried to use Neighborhood Relocation Technique on the Demon City. I must learn from their mistake.
    1. Likewise, after the dread incident of RY628, no one is allowed to stack one city on top of another "as a party trick."
40. It may be tempting, but using Impersonal Personal Denature Sting to "Beat the fight out of them" is unacceptable.
    1. Even if she's your wife.
       1. Especially if she's your wife.

Chejop Kejak

1. Not allowed to convince Chejop Kejak that he has something left to live for and he should attempt to extend his own life.
2. I am not allowed to send wildly inappropriate gifts to highly dangerous characters in Chejop Kejak's name.
   1. I am not allowed to send wildly inappropriate gifts to random non-dangerous deities in Chejop Kejak's name.
   2. I am not allowed to send nice gifts to the enemies of Fate in Chejop Kejak's name.
   3. I am not allowed to send Abyssal or Infernal Exalts invitations to tea-parties in the Forbidding Manse of Ivy in Chejop Kejak's name.
   4. You know what? I'm not allowed to send anything in Chejop Kejak's name, ever.
      1. does not apply if Chejop Kejak gives me something to send to someone in his name, and I should not have kicked his vaguely person-sized upright parcel into a deep, black pit.
         1. Not even if this is Sparta.
   5. Not allowed to send the Fivescore Fellowship, all living Solars and all living Infernals invitations to dine in Malfeas tonight, in Chejop Kejak's name.
3. No 300 references, either.
4. I am not allowed to create an N/A Artifact Strap-On.
   1. No, not even if I intend to give it to the Scarlet Empress for a wedding gift.
   2. I am most definately not allowed to sign the card 'Mnemon'...
      1. ...or 'Chejop Kejak'.
5. I may not look up a few details, and start planning a big "Happy Deathday" party for Chejop Kejak.
   1. ...Unless he comes up and requests it, of course.
   2. ...But no using Mental Influences to make him actually request it.
   3. ...it's probably okay as long as it's only Natural Mental Influence, right? Right?
      1. Wrong.

Terrestrials

1. For the purposes of the Fire Aspect Anima banner, teabagging my rivals' unconscious corpse is not a hand to hand attack.
2. My Immaculate Earth Dragon cannot be named Casey Jones. Furthermore, when I use my Combo of Doom, I am discouraged from "pointing toward the bleachers" first.
3. Irresistible Penetrating Charge cannot be used in "sexual combat". NO, NOT EVEN ON A HORSE!
4. Just because I can build a Dragon-Blood that can do 50L for free with a speed 3 weapon doesn't mean I should.
5. 250L Elemental Burst Techniques are not the 'Only way to be sure'.
6. I am not allowed, as a Dragon-Blood, to point the Sword of Creation at Thorns and press the button.
   1. Again.
   2. No matter how much fun it is.
   3. Kejak said so.
7. I am not allowed to conquer everything conquerable using my army of Dragon-Bloods that knows Elemental Bolt Attack, Five-Dragon-Force Blow, Essence Disruption Attack, and Void Avatar Prana.
   1. Furthermore, I am not allowed to arm them all with Essence Lens visors and tell them to 'use your laser eye beams'.
8. I am no longer allowed to use an excellency for sex with peripheral essence as a Dragon Blooded so my tent burns down and my army sees my business.
9. As a Realm-sponsored Dragon-Blood, I should not save fledgling Solar Dawn Castes and later coerce them via Droning Suggestion into activating the Sword of Creation at my behest.

Storyteller Guidelines

1. If one of my players or my NPCs says he will take over the world, I will not have M. Bison spawn into existence just to say "Of course!"
2. I Am not allowed to sing the "I Am a vampire, I Am a vampire" song (featured In the movie Juno) every damn time I Am STing an Abyssal and waiting for my characters to act.
3. I Am not allowed to force a character to limit break, rush off into battle alone, and Be tortured while the group tries to save him just because his player had to leave unexpectedly.
   1. I Am not allowed to sing "I Am a vampire" while having the Abyssal torture said character.
      1. I won't CALL the player the next day just to say, 'erm, we tortured your character.' (Haven't done it yet, but I Am so tempted to...).
4. I will No longer suggest really cool things for the players to do if they are having trouble stunting, only to go "hrm yeah He perfects that shiz. Don't bother rolling".
5. I won't doodle said Abyssals In stick-figures on the battle map. It just makes them sillier.
6. I won't have all the slaughtered babies In the orphanage also rigged As Soliloquy'S. I mean, there'S limits.
7. The soundtrack is not a toy.
8. I Am not allowed to have every single Celestial Exalt speak only In hilarious anime quotes, No matter how appropriate they might Be.
   1. I Am similarly not allowed to just copy all my exposition from a TV show and hope nobody notices.
9. TV Tropes is not a sourcebook, nor is it In any way canon.
10. I won't Be surprised when my good PCs do something rather... evil... and then the players chalk it up to the Great Curse.
11. Antagonists In drag are rarely intimidating In the conventional sense.
12. Creation does have a place for straight men and women, just not In my games apparently...
13. The soundtrack is STILL not a toy.
14. Not allowed to use the priest from The Princess Bride during the Ebon Dragon'S wedding scene.
15. Every single thing I do is highly suspect.
16. I will not let my players blow up Gem so that they can throw off the Wyld Hunt.
17. As a ST I'm limited to 3 comical NPCs per game.
18. I'm not allowed to have caffeine.
19. I Am not allowed to heap more NPC love interests onto a PC than his Essence score.
20. As a Storyteller, I Am not allowed to include In every chronicle a scene during which Chejop Kejak has a heart attack.
21. I Am expressly forbidden from designing a manse with Puzzle Manse, Ultra-Deadly Traps, and a Sentience that enjoys offering false promises of cake In return for diligent service on behalf of the Enrichment Center.
22. 'Where In Creation is Carmen Sandiego?' is not an acceptable series title.
23. AGAIN, THE SOUNDTRACK IS NOT A TOY, WILL YOU STOP PLAYING BATTLE WITHOUT HONOR OR HUMANITY!!
24. I Am not allowed to portray Sol Invictus As Duke Nukem.

Player Guidelines

1. I should not convince my entire party to take Rune of Singular Hate just so we can use it on Eye and Seven Despairs, even if he deserves it.
2. I am not allowed to kidnap a village of mortal women, then take them out of Creation into Pure Chaos just to see the results.
   1. I am certainly not allowed to write up the results in a book, then publish it as "Girls Gone Wyld"...
   2. ...Part IV...
   3. ...Volume XX.
3. I am not allowed to Lover's Oath to create a hub and spoke topology so that the entire party can pool Essence, Willpower, and Health Levels.
4. My Scavenger Lord is not allowed to take a Dodge specialty in "while whistling the Indiana Jones theme song".
5. FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS, YOU MAY NOT HAVE ASNA FIRSTBORN AS A FAMILIAR!
6. Yes, you can use Stealth charms and Craft charms to follow a particular book around. Yes, I might allow you to stunt Tears Of The Blade to affect someone seven days from now. No, dammit, you can't re-enact The Ring.
7. Start the campaign with a level 5 artifact with the explanation of "I found it".
   1. or "some random guy gave it to me".
8. Just because I start a sentence with "Would you kindly", does not mean it automatically becomes Unnatural Mental Influence.
9. Not everyone in Creation wants to destroy you before you get too powerful, some are merely content to steal your socks and leave stalkerish messages for you.
10. I'm not allowed to practice juggling using Soul-Breaker Orbs.
11. Nor can I go "Visit you Manse" riding a Thousand-Forged Dragon.
12. I can't use the Penitent of the Lap to simultaneously explode every Manse in the South.
    1. doesn't matter "how funny" it would be.
    2. Or how the "faces of the Sidereals" would look.
    3. Or if it could be enough to make the Incarnae pay some attention to Creat...wait, you may have something there!
13. Every single thing I do is highly suspect.
14. I'm never allowed to play a little old man. Every time I do, they end up being pervy little old men.
15. I am required to kill a mofo with a mop bucket, at least once.
16. I'm not allowed to use all of my social charms specifically to shift the entire dialect of a region into a weird dialect, just so we can make the ST speak in funny voices.
17. I can say join battle! whenever we see something, but I shouldn't necessarily scream it.
18. I'm not allowed to hold my 5 month old infant up to the ST and go, "But you can't kill me I HAVE A FAMILY!".
19. I'm not allowed to derail the entire game because I need a new Lunar form for our mission.
20. I shall not name characters after gold spammers from WoW.
    1. ...even if I can Wyld-Shape up temporary cash and sell it for real money.
21. Dual wield Warstrider goremauls, even if i can get my strength high enough.
22. Detonate a thousand-forged dragon on the head of the penitent just because my army is loosing the battle.
23. Ask the ST what the stats would be to use a unconscious human as a 'seven-section staff'.
24. Play the ridiculously flawed Solar half-caste who exalts before the game just to get extra points.
25. Throw the plot-device artifact into the mouth of a hekontonkhire simply because I needed a jumping-off point.
    1. Hit someone in the head with the plot device artifact so i can stash it elsewhere using Summoning the Loyal Steel.
26. Ask for xp for doing chores.
27. Use Jade Bracers, Jade Reaver Daiklave, and Flight of Mercury to gain speed one attacks.
28. Argue about the award bonus for a join-battle stunt, get 30 successes then "Guard" for the whole scene.
29. Play the character that never learns the language the rest of the group knows, but get a +3 linguistics specialty in "Languages I don't Know".
30. I'm not allowed to steal a horse from a caravan while shouting "Thanks for all the fish!"
31. I will not create a Dragon King cult to Five Days Darkness just to help them out of their funk.
32. I will not turn Naxxaramas into a War Manse complete with a Factory Cathedral dedicated to the Neverborn.
33. I will not use the Hand of Autobot to wyldshape Gem into my own personal Harem Palace complete with living Gem belly dancers.
34. I will not try to make a Giant Soulsteel Moon Manse complete with Death ray.
35. I am not allowed to to make an Even Blade Master with a 1 intelligence who likes swords and has devised the charm "2 fisted monkey style" as an Even Blade charm.
36. I am not allowed to create Sword-Chucks (yo) and a whole Martial Art's style that use sword-chucks as form weapons.
37. Saying "Who the hell are you?" is not an acceptable way of greeting a Sidereal you never met before even if everyone else was thinking it.
38. Mt. Metagalapa is not a toy.
39. Deltoids of Compassion is not a valid name for a social Athletics combo.
40. No matter how awesome it sounds, I will not name a Gem jewel merchant Conflict Diamond.
41. Yelling "Form Mega-Zord!" does not make the tyrant lizards my Circle and I are riding on combine form a warstrider.
42. When using sorcery to transform the Yanaze River from water into another liquid, "Red Bull" is not an option.
43. I'm not allowed to have caffeine.
44. I may not summon demons from any circle just to give them the singular order "Go to Hell".
45. As a player, I'm no longer allowed to have my allies throw me into combat.
46. As a player, regardless of what kind of Exalt I am playing, I shall not cry "THIS. IS. STYGIA!" before kicking any opponent into the Mouth of Oblivion.
    1. Doing so as a Sidereal risks an audit upon the character's return to Yu-Shan. Doing so as an Abyssal risks an immediate 10-point Resonance eruption.
47. I will no longer change the names of large cities (for example: Gem, Lookshy, etc) after conquering them just to piss of my ST.
48. I will stop brainwashing the other players with cookies.
49. Even though it's hilarious, I may not use Juggernaut as a melee weapon and beat the Mask of Winters to death with it.
50. I will not use Bone-Graft Technique to make flying monkeys.
51. Quoting They Might Be Giants does not constitute a stunt.
52. I may not play a Night Caste named Waldo with 3 stealth specialties in 'hiding in crowds'.
53. No matter how hilarious it will be or how good he would look in a blue dress, I will not Exquisite Bride Obsession Peleps Deled.
54. Lesson learned: Not allowed to murder all doctors living in a circle member's city.
55. I am not allowed to spend most of the game using charms and spells from the Scroll of Swallowed Darkness on the ST's girlfriend or her character.
56. My raptok characters are NOT allowed to have the name Jesus or even a cleverly disguised iteration thereof.
57. My character is NOT allowed to kidnap and brainwash young dynasts, one of each aspect, dress them in the color of their respective elements and call them my "Mighty Motic Power Dynasts". It didn't turn out well the first time. Or the second. Or the fifteenth...
    1. As a corollary, I will no longer even ASK to use Craft: Genesis on said dynasts while in the Deep Wyld. Even if I try, their powers combined will NOT make Captain Planet.
58. I will remember that running over an Abyssal is bad luck.
59. Ballgowns and cocktail dresses are not appropriate battlefield attire.
    1. ...With the exception of Dreaming Pearl Courtesan Style martial artists.
60. My character is not allowed to apply make-up or paint her nails during combat.
61. I am not allowed to play an actual princess ever again.
    1. This goes double if said princess is also a Dawn Caste Solar.
62. I am not allowed to acquire divine followers.
    1. If I DO somehow acquire divine followers, they are not to be tasked with "managing my wardrobe".
63. Spending Resources 5 on breakfast just to annoy an NPC is forbidden.
64. Even if the rules allow it, I am forbidden from creating a character capable of breaking the setting at chargen.
65. I am to refrain from quoting Shakespeare in-character.
    1. Especially if the quote includes innuendo and/or a double entendre.
66. I am no longer allowed to enter social combat, give the social group an Intimacy(Lust) for me, then leave.
67. Characters are no longer allowed to 'choose to vomit' on the Perfect (and subsequently roll 10+ successes), just because they're looking for a way to crawl under the table to pick-pocket his scepter.
68. Characters are no longer allowed to shoot themselves full of heroin to dull the pain of a Lunar tattoo artifact, only to botch later and .. well, exude substances from every orifice all over the Dawn Caste who's attempting to carry you back to the inn.
69. It is not okay to push other characters off the airship. Even if you really ARE good enough to catch them before they hug Creation.
70. I will no longer attack the enemy as he is giving his "I am unbeatable" speech.
71. I will no longer pretend that my Int 4 former barbarian is an idiotic stereotype just to see who will fall for it.
72. I am not allowed to sing "The Itsy-Bitsy Spider" in the presence of high-Essence Sidereals in hopes of freaking out the ones who have learned Charcoal March of Spiders Style. That joke was old in First Edition.
73. I will not challenge Malfeas to a rock off so he will pay the rent for my apartment in Yu-Shan.
74. Any time I so much as THINK of saying "there is no fate but what we make for ourselves", I should know that is a challenge to any and all nearby Sidereals.
75. Regardless of how innovative an Exalt I may play (and how well I might legitimize the process of making weapons), I will not attempt to run the schematics of making a MOAB by my ST in hopes of using it in mass combat to validate the airship as "Exalted's B-52".
76. I am not allowed to yell "avada kedavra" before casting Total Annihilation.
    1. Creating the school Hogwarts for awesome-craft and exalcery is also forbidden.

General Guidelines

1. For the purposes of any charm that lets me break weapons, the hammer is not his penis.
2. No matter what color of paint I turn my arrow into, they are and will remain GREEN Sun Princes.
3. I am not to use inverted commas when referring to the "Maiden" of Serenity.
4. The World is Enough.
5. Just saying the words 'Essence Disruption Attack' does not cause the Invincible Sword Princess to have Vietnam-esque flashbacks.
6. I should not try to create a CMA whose charms are all lines from the song "Kung Fu Fighting".
7. I should not bind elementals to the task of keeping my drink cool.
   1. Especially if it is a fire elemental, even if thermodynamics says it should work.
8. Shouting "Bankai!" when evoking a 5-dot Wyld Behemoth is a no-no.
   1. Kamehameha is also frowned upon when using Blazing Solar Bolt.
   2. I must not shout the phrase "Getsuga Tensho" while using Blazing Solar Bolt or Ebon Lightning Prana.
9. Even IF Obsidian Shards of Infinity existed, it is not acceptable to push children into the mirror world as 'Time out'.
10. Yes, infecting them with 'Organs and limbs pop out' disease also qualifies as child abuse.
11. It may well be an abuse of power to bind gods just to provide dramatic music and rimshots.
12. It doesn't matter how much cooler they are than horses; there will be no inventing of motorcycles, and even if there were, there would be no blue jade motorcycles that also fly.
    1. There will also be no long legged yellow birds to ride around on.
13. I may not buy a daiklave that is also a Pokemon. Fuck Shonen Jump.
14. Shape iron cages around the beautiful Fair Folk chicks so I can have my way with them whenever I want.
15. While Wonders of a Lost Age is a wonderful supplement, replacing one's penis with an Essence pistol is right out. No, I don't care if it only does Bashing Damage!
16. Despite having a Combo named "Fistos, the Forbidden Punch of Legend", I'm not allowed to create a Cult with the purpose of awaking the "Little god of my fist"
17. After promoting my familiar to godhood, I will not rename him to "Emergency Starmetal Supply".
18. I won't play an archer. Pretty much period. LAMBENT BOLT OF I WIN!
19. I won't make Speedy Gonzalez, Road Runner, or General Lee noises whenever certain Infernals run by. Nor will I sing Flash Gordon or the Bionic Woman, or scream "hit and run, bitch!", or really comment on it at all.
20. Although it was amusing the first time my Defiler of She Who Lives In Her Name started humming the Elfen Lied theme music while using Mind Hand Manipulation, it quickly gets old.
21. It may be acceptable for an Abyssal to suggest using the villagers as paint when you want to send a message. It is less so for my Solar or Sidereal.
22. I am not allowed to have a negative Speed.
23. "I was bored" is never a good reason.
    1. "I was bored" is always a reason.
24. No Schwarzenegger quotes, no matter how much you want to. No, not even then.
25. There are no clowns in Creation(or the Underworld).
    1. If there were, they certainly do not float down there.
    2. Maybe in Malfeas.
26. I may not establish a cult dedicated to my Starmetal God-Kicking Boots, so that I can awaken the god of said boots, only to kick it.
27. I am not allowed to develop custom charms that hurl my impressive artifact collection en masse at my opponents.
    1. Even if such charms were allowed to exist, I most certainly am not allowed to scream "Women and Children" at the top of my lungs as I use them to sack the Realm.
28. I am not allowed to base my descriptions of Laughing Wounds Style female practitioners from the anime Sorcerer Hunters.
29. Saying 'Kah-Li-Ma' repeatedly does not let you remove the Infernals' Green Iron Heart while he's still alive.
30. I am not allowed to know the release date of upcoming Exalted products.
31. Throwing your Warstrider is not a brilliant battle strategy.
32. Saying "I don't believe in fairies" doesn't work to kill the Fair Folk.
    1. Nor does clapping incessantly revive them.
       1. Especially if done IRL.
33. I'm no longer allowed to yell "You need a weapon" in master chief's voice when I disarm an opponent.
34. I am no longer allowed to have any character exalt as a Fire Aspect Dragon-Blooded while in Gem.
35. Directional Titans are not 'cockblocks'.
36. Grabbing a someone by the ankle and holding him outside a moving train is not an acceptable interrogation method.
    1. unless no one is watching.
37. Never again may I name my combo of doom after a dessert.
38. Lady Gaga's Poker Face is not the ideal music for introducing warstriders on the march.
39. Fucking Octavian in the ass while shouting: "Say you're my bitch!" is not very epic...
    1. ...especially not if you have already magically bound him to serve you for a year and a day.
40. There is no place in Canon Creation called "Harlem" and if there was, I'm not allowed to be the Shogun of it.
    1. Even if I'm the meanest
    2. Even if I'm the prettiest
    3. Even if I'm the baddest mo-fo, low-down, around this town
41. My character is longer allowed to use Dr. Seuss quotes to name his combos.
    1. Veiled references are also unacceptable.
       1. Though an SMA sutra that used veiled Dr. Seuss references is acceptable.
42. Although Exalted has a lot in common with anime, I am not allowed to quote my favorite animes every other sentence.
    1. under no circumstance am I allowed to take a potato chip... AND EAT IT.
    2. I cannot name my spectacular eight-charm Combo the Giga Daiklave Breaker.
43. No, you're not allowed to put your circle into suspended animation Elsewhere for six billion years in order to emerge in the World of Darkness just to kill Caine.
    1. Well, okay, maybe once you've saved and/or destroyed the world...
44. When told to "distract the guards" I will not just drag them into the bushes and have my way with them.
45. It is considered bad form to cripple the big bad with a poisonous parakeet.
46. Total Annihilation is NOT the Giga Slave. Repeating the lines from Slayers is NOT a stunt while casting Total Annihilation. Even if I can repeat all the hand gestures and poses.
47. No matter how evil or loathed by the Unconquered Sun they may be, lawyers are not automatically Creatures of Darkness.
48. I am not allowed to expect to get away unscathed from going face to face with the Unconquered Sun and tell him "You know, I don't think you've got what it takes to look upon your Exalts and forgive them".
49. Explaining your grand plans to your enemies using flow charts and essence projections is not a stunt for a social attack.
50. Tiny strips of Soulsteel that leave nothing to the imagination do not count as armor....
51. Strap-ons can not be added as a form weapon for Laughing Wounds style or any other martial art....
    1. Exception: Artifact versions (Heavenly Ecstacy Aides) may, in certain situations, be permissible for Orgiastic Fugitive Style.
       1. On second thought, there is no exception. Deciding what is a 'certain situation' will only bring about a major pain in the... well, you know.
52. The Green Sun Princes are not weak to the color yellow.
    1. There are no such things as "Red/Purple/Pink/Blue" or any other color Sun Princes.
    2. Technically a "Yellow Sun Prince" is called a Solar.
    3. Also a "Black Sun Prince" is called an Abyssal.
53. Buying dots in Craft: Deathlord destroying weapons is not an allowed method for destroying Deathlords.
54. The Maiden of Serenity has very few similarities to Summer Glau, Morena Baccarin, or Jewel Staite.

Dancing

1. Dance Fighting is not an acceptable War speciality.
   1. That goes double if you dress up like Micheal Jackson and have your undead legion fight in step to Thriller.
   2. ...Unless you're a Sidereal.
      1. ...or a Raksha.
      2. ...or Malfeas.
   3. No matter how many dots of Abyssal Command I have, no matter how skilled a necromancer I am, a specialty of "While reenacting the dance sequence from Thriller" is not a way around this rule, no matter what Ability it's for.
      1. Nor is playing an Infernal with Malfeas' performance tree.
   4. My Twilight crafter is not allowed to build a crowd control weapon capable of forcing a group to dance in time to Thriller.
      1. ...Nor is he allowed to build such a weapon to make an army do the Time Warp.
2. I will not use a relic based off of Dance Dance Revolution to control the movements of my troops.
3. I will not use the Penitent of the Lap to win a break dancing contest against Malfeas.
4. Husband-Seducing Demon Dance does not technically require a pole.
   1. ...though it could count as environmental bonus.

Nexus

1. There is no Walker, Nexus Ranger.
2. I am not allowed to create a character with various Awareness and Stealth charms, an Awareness specialty in "Behind you", a Martial Arts specialty in "Round-house kicks", place him in Nexus, and give him the name "Walker".
   1. This goes doubly so if his orichalcum hearthstone amulet is in the shape of a star and pins to his shirt.
3. There is no such thing as Nexican Brown Ale.
4. And if you insist on Exaltifying Mexican Stand-Offs, they are called Nexus Stand-Offs. Not Nexican Stand-Offs.
5. And there has been no Nexus Chainsaw Massacre.
6. While Nexus might be a wretched hive of scum and villainy, no amount of hand-waving will convince the guards I'm not the Alchemical they are looking for. That is what charms and stunts are for.

Fun with Stats

1. "More awesome then thou" is not an acceptable presence specialty
2. I may not, under any circumstances, make ANY character with "Your Mother" as a three-dot specialty in every Ability.
   1. No, not "all but one" Ability, either.
   2. Actually, I might get away with one, but no more!
3. I am absolutely forbidden to take an "Unforeseen Consequences" specialization in anything, especially neither "preparing for" nor "manipulating" nor "warning of".
4. "Bad-ass beard" is not an acceptable Socialize specialty.
5. I will not, as a Lunar, take Attribute specialties of "That's what she said!" +3 in Charisma, Manipulation, and Wits.
6. I'm not allowed to have Lore specialties in 'horribleness'.
7. "While reenacting Monty Python sketches" is never an appropriate specialty for any Ability.
   1. While we're on the subject of Monty Python, it's true that people in Creation likely will not expect the Spanish Inquisition, mainly due to the fact that it doesn't exist there. This does not mean that my characters may announce this fact at the top of their lungs while bursting into the room.
      1. I may shout "Nobody expects a Wyld Hunt". However, it would be incorrect, since many people actually will expect it by the time it arrives.
8. No, there is no mechanical synergy for having +3 Kicking Ass (Martial Arts) and +3 Taking Names (Linguistics) specialties.
9. "Suddenly shouting 'Objection!'" is not an acceptable Presence, Performance, Socialize or Bureaucracy specialization.
   1. Unless your motivation is "successfully win an acquittal in a Severity 5 Criminal Audit".
10. Rough Sex does not qualify as a Martial Arts speciality.
    1. It may however, count as a Resistance specialty. Or maybe Survival depending on context.

Other/Mixed

1. While I am encouraged to make a Sidereal who's a clever manipulator, he is absolutely forbidden to wear business attire and carry a case of briefs into Autocthonian research facilities which are dedicated to translocation/transreality research.

1. 1. I will never manipulate people by appearing behind impenetrable barriers, straightening my tie, and vanishing before they can break through and find me.

      If, however, I break the previous rules I am absolutely forbidden to not arm the plucky, power-armored young Alchemical researcher when he winds up with monsters trying to eat him.

Unsorted

1. I am not allowed to miss a numerical-based opportunity to make a joke based on the number that the List Of Things I'm No Longer Allowed To Do In Exalted.
   1. Specifically, 357 should've been a reference to large-bore revolving cylinder prayer wands that can blow a man's head clean off. Shame on you.

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Pulled by AjaxTorbin from: Things I'm no longer allowed to do in Exalted.

Minor grammar adjustments have been made. Rules are listed in order of chronological appearance as best as I was able to keep them. AjaxTorbin 04:24, 28 February 2010 (UTC)